Comment Of The Day: Compensating Edition

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Photo: Stellantis

Did you know that vehicles with taller front ends are more deadly to pedestrians? It’s something we all knew anecdotally, but today we saw data that proved it: When a car’s hood grows just four inches taller, that vehicle is 22% more likely to kill a pedestrian in an impact.

You all, however, brought up a fantastic question: Why are modern hoods so tall? There are plenty of possible answers, from ground clearance to styling to aerodynamics, but moistened bint hit the nail on the head. Demand for bigger, more protruding front ends comes from folks who feel a bit lacking elsewhere.

It’s only natural — plenty of folks are uncomfortable with how much they’ve got going on in certain respects, and would rather die than project that insecurity out there into the world. What better way is there to hide your flaws than buying an enormous, lumbering, aggressively-styled vehicle?

It’s the perfect crime, no one would ever see through it. Why else would someone purchase a sixty-ton vehicle with a grille like a mustache, if not to reinforce the masculinity they already feel? No one would ever suspect that the driver was not, in fact, the love child of Burt Reynolds and Dolph Lundgren.

So, moistened bint, congratulations on your COTD win — and on making a comment so laser-targeted that it brought back COTD altogether. Sometimes a joke is so obvious in retrospect, yet you never think of it while actually writing the post. Your efforts in making low-hanging dick jokes (or, in this particular case, perhaps not so low-hanging) go neither unnoticed nor unappreciated.

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